“Emotions are for pussies” German Proverb Canvas Home Decor
The *perfect* family heirloom for those of us raised by stoic, bratwurst-loving parents who believed "kind words" were a sign of weakness.
✨ **WHY THIS MASTERPIECE?** ✨
- **Authentic German Parenting™ Approved** – because nothing says *"Ich liebe dich"* like a healthy dose of emotional neglect!
- **Great for Trauma Bonding!** Hang it in your childhood bedroom (now your ironic adult apartment) and reminisce about the time Dad said crying was "zu laut" (too loud).
- **Therapy Replacement?** Save $200/hr by staring at this instead of processing your feelings. *Wunderbar!*
🔥 **KEY FEATURES:**
✅ **Bavarian-Level Emotional Suppression** – just like Oma used to preach between sips of schnapps.
✅ **Nostalgic AF** – reminds you of family gatherings where the only warmth came from the oven heating up *Kartoffelsalat*.
✅ **Sturdy German Engineering** – because unlike your parents’ affection, this canvas *won’t* fall apart.
⚠️ **WARNING:** May trigger flashbacks of being told *"Ein Indianer kennt keinen Schmerz!"* ("A real warrior feels no pain!") after face-planting off your bike. **Not responsible for repressed memories resurfacing.**
**BONUS:** Comes with *zero* apologies, just like your childhood.**
• 1.25″ (3.18 cm) thick poly-cotton blend canvas
• Canvas fabric weight: 10.15 +/- 0.74 oz./yd.² (344 g/m² +/- 25g/m²)
• Fade-resistant
• Hand-stretched over solid wood stretcher bars
• Mounting brackets included
• Blank product sourced from the US, Canada, Europe, UK, or Australia
This product is made especially for you as soon as you place an order, which is why it takes us a bit longer to deliver it to you. Making products on demand instead of in bulk helps reduce overproduction, so thank you for making thoughtful purchasing decisions!
Age restrictions: For adults
EU Warranty: 2 years
Other compliance information: Meets the lead level requirements.
In compliance with the General Product Safety Regulation (GPSR), Oak inc. and SINDEN VENTURES LIMITED ensure that all consumer products offered are safe and meet EU standards. For any product safety related inquiries or concerns, please contact our EU representative at gpsr@sindenventures.com. You can also write to us at 123 Main Street, Anytown, Country or Markou Evgenikou 11, Mesa Geitonia, 4002, Limassol, Cyprus.
**FAKE 5-STAR REVIEWS FROM FELLOW DAMAGED GERMANS:**
⭐ *"Opa would’ve loved this. If he’d ever loved anything."* – *Helga, (still afraid of hugs)*
⭐ *"My father saw it, grunted, and then fixed a shelf. Closest we’ve ever been."* – **Markus (still afraid of praise)**
⭐ *"Endlich! A decor piece as emotionally stunted as my upbringing!"* – **Anonymous (probably your cousin)**
